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Let’s address the elephant in the room, insecurity. It sucks. It sneaks into our minds, sucks us of our confidence, and has us questioning our self-worth. The good news is we can silence this confidence-sucking inner critic. This post is a heart-to-heart message from me to you on how to not be insecure and gain confidence in yourself.
What is Insecurity?
Insecurity is the feeling of uncertainty, self-doubt, or lack of belief in oneself or abilities.
The 5 Common Types of Insecurities
1. Personal Insecurity
Personal Insecurity is having a negative self-image. It’s having the feeling of unworthiness or not good enough. This insecurity can come from not liking the way you look, not believing in your abilities, or speaking negatively to yourself. For example, when you think you’re not pretty, smart, or good enough.
2. Social Insecurity
Social Insecurity is fearing that others would reject or judge you. This can cause social anxiety and affect your ability to create close relationships with others.
3. Professional Insecurity
Professional Insecurity is lacking self-efficacy at work or school because of the fear of failure. This can come in the form of Imposter Syndrome or passing up on a project or assignment at work or school because you’re afraid that you might fail.
4. Relationship Insecurity
Relationship Insecurity is the fear that your partner might leave or abandon you. Moreover, you feel like you’re not good enough for your partner. This can lead to being clingy, jealous, or controlling your partner’s life.
5. Body Image Insecurity
Body Image Insecurity is having a feeling of discontentment for your body. It can be fueled by social media beauty standards, societal perception of beauty, past criticism, or weight gain.
What are the Causes of Insecurity?
1. Social Media
Social Media put unrealistic standards on how women should look. It can place emphasis on what makes a woman desirable, causing women who don’t have those characteristics to feel less than.
2. Comparison
Constantly measuring yourself against other women whether in person or social media can cause you to feel insecure.
3. Negative Self-Talk
Struggling with gaining confidence in yourself because you beat yourself up for not having certain abilities or shortcomings.
4. Childhood or Past Experiences
Maybe you’ve grown up with harsh parenting, getting bullied by peers in school, neglected, or had a traumatic relationship, all of these can be factors that form your insecurity.
5. Perfectionism
You feel worthless or less than when you don’t get things perfectly can be a reason why you might not have confidence.
6. Unmet Emotional Needs
Lack of love, validation, acceptance, or support in relationships that matter to you can all be reasons why you’re insecure.
18 Doable Ways on How to Not Be Insecure and Gain Confidence
1. Show Yourself Compassion
Would you talk to a friend or a family member when they make a mistake the way you talk to yourself when you make a mistake? Do you tell them ‘you can’t get anything right’? No, right. You show them empathy. Instead of beating yourself up for making mistakes, show yourself this same tenderness.
Everyone makes mistakes and you don’t have to be harsh on yourself for that. The next time you mess up, have patience with yourself and show yourself kindness.
2. Practice Gratitude
Sometimes when we compare ourselves to others this can cause us to feel insecure which can lead to ungratefulness. When we keep focusing on what we’re lacking in our lives that others have, it shifts our focus from the good things we already have.
Instead, shift your focus to appreciating what you already have, who you are, and what you’ve overcome. Be thankful for your passion, talents, abilities, and interests.
To start practicing gratitude, remind yourself of 3 things you are grateful for each day.
3. Stop Comparing Yourself to Others
Comparison is the killer of confidence. It is comparison that is at the heart of most of our insecurities. Learning how to stop comparing yourself to others is easier said than done but it can be done.
To stop comparing yourself to others, focus on your journey. Know that your life doesn’t have to look like the next person for it to be wonderful. Moreover, be grateful for where you are and what you have. Also, use your uniqueness to your advantage. No one is like you, no one has the same story, personality, or abilities, this is what makes you different. Lastly, to stop comparing yourself with others unfollow social media accounts that make you feel bad about yourself and follow ones that inspire and motivate you to accept yourself.
By stop comparing yourself to others this is a way to build confidence.
4. Make a List of Your Strengths
A great way to boost your confidence is to keep a record of all of your abilities. For instance, maybe you’re an excellent public speaker who grasps the attention of your audience or maybe you’re an exceptional violist.
Keep a “confidence journal” where you document the things you’re proud of and love yourself for. It can be the littlest things, write it down. When you’re feeling down or insecure, visit this book and remind yourself of your awesomeness.
5. Learn from Comparison
Instead of becoming insecure when you compare yourself to others, use it as a means of motivation or inspiration. Flip the script and use it to build you rather than tearing you down. Moreover, use it as an opportunity to learn more about yourself. Comparison can show you what you want and value so that you can work towards them.
6. Do More of What Makes You Feel Insecure
This might sound contradictory but hear me out. Your confidence doesn’t get stronger by staying in your comfort zone. Your confidence gets stronger by doing the things that make you feel uncomfortable, the very things that make you feel insecure. Hence, the more you do what makes you feel insecure, the stronger your confidence becomes.
For example, if you feel frightened and insecure about public speaking but you step out of your comfort zone and decide to do a speech, you feel a sense of accomplishment and your confidence becomes stronger.
However, take small steps and work your way up over time. The more you challenge yourself, the more you become confident and trust yourself and your capabilities.
7. Try New Things
Another way to build confidence is to try new things. Sometimes our insecurities can come from our lack of abilities or skills to do things. Hence, when we try new things and become good at them it grows our confidence.
This is how to build confidence in yourself, by stepping out of your comfort zone and trying new things.
8. To Be Confident, You Must Unlearn Your Insecurities
Have you ever met someone who was born with insecurity or was it learned? Throughout our lives childhood traumas, toxic relationships, social media negativity, or societal standards make us believe that we’re unworthy or we are incapable.
However, we can flip the script. We can choose to not let them determine how we feel about ourselves.
Gaining confidence in yourself starts by unlearning what made you insecure and choosing to uplift and empower yourself.
9. Practice Self-Acceptance
Accepting yourself means choosing to love the good, bad, and ugly parts of you. It means knowing you can be ‘both a masterpiece and a work in progress’.
To practice self-acceptance, write down things that you love about yourself and what you’re good at. Then, write the things that you need to improve and even things that you can’t change about yourself. Choose to accept them all, while working on the things you can improve.
10. Set Realistic Goals
Every time you set goals for yourself and don’t accomplish them this can make you feel less confident in yourself. The problem might not be that you’re incapable of achieving those goals, it can be that it’s unrealistic and no one can achieve an unrealistic goal.
Instead, set SMART goals for yourself. Then, break them down into small doable actionable steps. Celebrate every time you’ve accomplished one of your millstones.
Winning small goals that turn into huge accomplishments over time is a way to build confidence in yourself.
11. Be Around People who Encourage You
Gaining confidence in ourselves has a lot to do with the people we surround ourselves with. Hence, the people who we surround ourselves with matter. Sometimes we don’t see our strengths and values like the people around us.
So, be around people who remind you of your strengths, values, and worth. Moreover, be around people who support your dreams and celebrate your success with you.
When you’re surrounded by people who uplift you, your confidence will naturally grow.
12. Remove People Out of Your Life that Fuel Your Insecurities
Who in your life makes you feel bad about yourself? It could be a friend, partner, or family member fueling your insecurity. If every time you’re around them they criticize, belittle, or even make fun of you which is affecting your confidence. To become confident in yourself, you must remove them out of your life or at least set boundaries.
13. Challenge Your Inner Critic
The voice that’s in your head telling you “you’re not good enough”, “you’ll never grow a successful business”, you can silence it by challenging it.
When that inner voice feeds you with negativity, ask yourself if what it’s saying is true. The truth is you can’t believe everything you think.
So, to quiet your inner critic, practice reframing your inner dialogue with positivity. For instance, when that voice says, “You’ll never start a successful business” challenge it with “I am capable of starting a successful business, watch me.” Also, create affirmations that you can speak to yourself daily. Here are some ideas:
- I am confident in my abilities.
- I am worthy of succeeding.
- I believe in myself that I can do hard things.
- I am skillful and talented.
14. Allow Yourself to Feel Your Insecurities
Running away from your insecurities isn’t gonna make them go away you have to face them head-on and get to the root of them.
The next time you feel insecure, ask yourself, ‘What is causing me to feel this way and how can I fix it?’ Maybe the cause is negative self-image, childhood traumas, or traumatic past experiences. Whatever it is this is how to not be insecure, by getting to the heart of it.
To get all of your feelings out, you can talk to someone who you can confide in or a professional such as a therapist. Also, you can journal your feelings. First, you want to identify the person or situation that made you feel insecure and why they made you feel insecure. Then, write down a list of ways you can unlearn these insecurities.
15. Create a Daily Routine that Reassure You
You can’t build your confidence with an occasional prep talk. Gaining confidence in yourself requires constant reassurance until you don’t have to remind yourself of your worth, value, or abilities anymore. You do this by showing up for yourself daily.
Hence, create a daily routine that reminds you of your worth. For example, tilling yourself affirmations every morning, doing yoga because it helps you to connect with your body and its abilities, and wearing clothes that make you feel confident. These are all things that can reinforce your confidence.
16. Find Inspiration in Other People’s Stories
You’re not the only person on earth who’s plagued with insecurities. Truth be told many people who have successful stories have struggled with insecurities at some point in their life and have walked the same path you’re walking. A good way to build confidence in yourself is by listening to other people’s stories.
Find people who have overcome their insecurity and inspire you. Listening to these people share their stories on how they’ve overcome their insecurities can give you motivation to overcome yours. A great place to start is by listening to podcasts, following someone on social media, or reading a successful person’s memoir or biography.
17. Own Your Story
Own your story – the good, the bad, and the ugly. Your story makes you the strong and resilient person you are. It’s what makes you unique, so why not own it? Confidence grows when you stop hiding the parts of you that you don’t want the world to see.
So, tell your story. Be proud of how strong you are for overcoming. Use your voice to be a beacon of hope for someone who’s struggling with accepting themselves.
Furthermore, your story shaped you to be the wonderful, brilliant, talented, and compassionate person you are today. Hence, don’t be afraid or ashamed of telling your story.
18. Seek Professional Help
If your insecurity feels unbearable and it’s deeply affecting you like causing you to have anxiety. Consider seeing a coach, therapist or counselor can be of tremendous help. They can provide you with the necessary tools how to build confidence in yourself and give you a perspective on your situation that you’ve never thought about.
To Wrap Things Up
Sis, it’s time for you to silence that inner voice telling you ‘You’ll never be enough.’ It’s time for you to gain your confidence back and know that you are that girl. Hence, here are 18 ways how to not be insecure and become the confident woman you envision to be. So, try a few of them and watch your confidence boost tremendously.
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