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Growing up I’ve always been a people pleaser and put others’ needs before my own. I’ve always wanted to be someone others can count on. But as I’ve gotten older, this has become a detriment to my mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being and I found myself in a dark place. Until one day I’ve realized that this isn’t self-love and I made a decision to put my needs, wants, and desires before others. Although it hasn’t been easy sometimes, this change made me more happy and content with my life. In this article, I’ll share with you 20 signs that you lack self-love and how you can love yourself again.
20 Signs You Lack Self-Love and How to Love Yourself Again
1. Constant Self-Criticism
A sign that you may lack self-love is that you constantly criticize yourself. Moreover, you pay more attention to your flaws or weaknesses, than your strengths.
What to do Instead:
- Be more compassionate towards yourself.
- Challenge self-criticizing thoughts with self-motivating ones such as ‘I can do this’ I will succeed.’
- Reframe your thoughts to ones that are encouraging and uplifting.
2. People Pleaser
If you say yes to things that you don’t want to do just to make others happy or to stay on their ‘good side’, chances are you’re a people’s pleaser.
What to do Instead:
- Learn how to say ‘no’ to things you don’t want to do even if it’ll displease someone else.
- Create boundaries and communicate them with others when necessary.
3. Afraid of Being Lonely
One of the signs you lack self-love is when you find it difficult to spend time alone and always need to be around others.
What to do Instead:
- Try doing solo activities such as going on self-dates or going on a nature walk by yourself. Make sure to take it one step at a time.
- Learn how to enjoy your own company.
4. Settling for Less in Relationships
If you’re a person who accepts poor treatment from your family, friends, or partner because you don’t think you’re worthy enough to be treated better, chances are you’re settling for less and lacking self-love. Also, you might believe that you’re not good enough to have good relationships in your life.
What to do Instead:
- Recognize your self-worth and set standards on how you want to be treated.
- Remove yourself from relationships where your self-worth isn’t valued.
5. Negative Self-talk
A sign you’re lacking self-love is that you don’t speak positivity over your life and self. For instance, you tell yourself things such as ‘I’m ugly’ or ‘I am not smart.’
What to do Instead:
- You can love yourself again by speaking positive affirmations over yourself and life. For instance, ‘I am smart’ ‘I am beautiful’ or ‘I deserve good things’. In addition, repeat these affirmations to yourself, say them out loud, and place them all over your home to remind you of your worth.
6. Always Comparing Yourself to Others
If you’re a person who always feels inferior to others who are achieving more or looking better than you, this is a sign that you lack self-love.
What to do Instead:
- Limit the use of social media and focus on yourself and your journey.
- Learn how to love and accept yourself just as you are.
- Accept your flaws and think of them as what makes you unique.
7. Neglecting Self-Care
One of the signs you’re lacking self-love is that you often neglect basic self-care such as eating healthy, exercising, or maintaining your hygiene.
What to do Instead:
- Create a simple self-care routine you can keep up with.
- Create micro self-care habits that make a huge difference such as drinking more water or going to bed 30 minutes earlier. These simple, yet effective daily self-care habits can boost your self-love.
8. Perfectionism
If you’re a person who feels worthless unless you get everything perfect, chances are you’re struggling with perfectionism. In addition, you feel stressed, discouraged, or even depressed when things don’t turn out as perfect as you want them to.
What to do Instead:
- Adapt a mindset that nothing is ever perfect and it’s ok to settle for ‘good enough.’
- Accept that you’re human and will make numerous mistakes in your life.
- Shift your mindset from being perfect to a work in progress.
9. Being a Workaholic to Prove Your Worth
Another sign that you’re lacking self-love is that you determine your worth based on your accomplishments and accolades. Also, you push to do more without taking any breaks.
What to do Instead:
- Adapt a mindset that your self-worth doesn’t equate to your achievements.
- Allow yourself to take rest and breaks and enjoy life.
10. Finding it Hard to Receive Compliments
If you are a person every time someone praises you, you brush it off or feel uncomfortable, this can be a sign that you lack self-love. Moreover, whenever someone gives you a compliment you think they are lying. Also, you downplay compliments. For instance, if someone says they like your new haircut, you reply by saying things such as ‘this haircut doesn’t compliment my facial structure.’
What to do Instead:
- Accept compliments and reply with ‘thank you.’
- Allow yourself to feel good about the compliment.
11. Allowing Others to Take Advantage of You
A sign that you lack self-love is when you let others disrespect and take advantage of you and not defending yourself. In addition, you accept mistreatment from others and downplay them.
What to do Instead:
- Learn how to defend yourself. When someone has done something you didn’t like stand up for yourself. For instance, you can say, ‘I don’t appreciate that.’
- Learn how to assert yourself when someone has disrespected you.
12. Feeling Undeserving of Good Things
If you’re a person who feels unworthy or underserving when something good happens to you chances are you lack self-love. Moreover, when something good happens to you, you feel like something bad is going to happen right after.
What to do Instead:
- Practice having gratitude.
- Know that you deserve great things that happen in your life.
13. Neglecting Your Needs
Another sign that you’re lacking self-love is that you always prioritize the needs of others while neglecting yours. Moreover, you often feel exhausted because you’re burdened with the needs of others.
What to do Instead:
- Have daily self-check-ins.
- Every morning ask yourself, ‘What do I need from me today?’ and ‘How can I show up for myself today?’. Honor that need and show up for yourself.
- Put your needs before everyone else’s needs.
14. Feeling Guilty for Resting
If you’re a person who feels like you always need to be productive or else you’ll feel useless, it can be a sign to love yourself again by allowing yourself to rest.
What to do Instead:
- Adapt a mindset that resting is also productivity.
- Schedule resting time so that you won’t feel guilty.
15. Holding onto Toxic Relationships
One of the signs you’re lacking self-love is if you stay in toxic relationships although they are detrimental to your emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual health. Moreover, you remain in these relationships because you don’t think that you’ll be better off without that person.
What to do Instead:
- Evaluate the people in your life, see which ones drain you of your energy, and remove them from your life or set boundaries.
- Surround yourself with people who uplift you and create healthy relationships with them.
16. Finding it Hard to Forgive Yourself
A sign that you need to learn how to love yourself again is if you dwell on or beat yourself up for your past mistakes. In addition, you keep playing your mistakes over in your head and keep thinking about what you would’ve changed.
What to do Instead:
- Practice self-forgiveness and letting go of your mistakes.
- Remind yourself that you’re a human and that sometimes you’ll make mistakes, learn from them, and move on.
17. Having Imposter Syndrome
If you feel self-doubt or a fraud although you worked for and deserve your success chances you’re lacking self-love.
What to do Instead:
- To love yourself again, keep a journal with all of your wins and embrace them. Write down every achievement and positive feedback you’ve received to remind you that you are worthy of your success.
18. Hate Looking at Yourself in the Mirror
One of the signs that you lack self-love is that you avoid looking at yourself in the mirror because you hate the way you look. Moreover, every time you look at yourself, you criticize your image.
What to do Instead:
- Look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself affirmations such as ‘I love myself’ ‘I am beautiful just the way I am’ and ‘My body is beautiful.’
19. Constantly Caring about Others’ Opinion of You
When you’re a person who cares about what others think about you this can show that you lack self-love. In addition, you seek external validation and you become stressed about making a decision because you’re afraid of how others will perceive you. Also, you worry about looking bad or making a fool of yourself so that others won’t make fun of you.
What to do Instead:
- Practice self-validation.
- Seek approval from yourself rather than from others.
- Stop caring about what others think of you.
20. Struggling to Invest in Yourself
A sign that you lack self-love is that you hesitate to invest in things that can improve your life such as therapy, education, or self-care.
What to do Instead:
- Look at investing in yourself as essential and not selfish.
- Start by setting time aside to invest in your personal growth. Whether that be learning a new skill, starting therapy, or a new hobby.
Wrapping Things Up
Self-love isn’t a destination but it’s a lifelong journey that we’re all in. Every step we take towards self-love is a life filled with love, happiness, and fulfillment. So, if you’re facing any of these challenges listed above, act today.
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